There are three draft posts sitting on my WordPress dashboard.  If you’re a blogger, you may have many drafts sitting there – I just can’t finish a post.  I’ve had a hard time lately.   I want to talk about what’s been going on, but I can’t for many reasons.  Can’t even discuss the reasons.

So instead of sharing my internal journey on my blog like I used to do, I thought I’d share my training or my contest diet stuff like I used to do.   But I can’t do that anymore, either. 

Anytime I say anything about anything, I get a lot of “Drive-By’s” and they are just a distraction.

Drive-By #1: Questions I don’t have time to answer.  

When I started my journey almost four years ago now, I paid for help.  And no, I couldn’t afford it.  But it was important to me so I found a way to do it.    I asked a ton of questions, but I asked the people I paid.   I also bought and read several books and I used the Internet to research.  There were periods of time when my “team” was in transition.  At that point, I asked questions from people I trusted, but I tried to be careful to not take up too much of their time.  (I hope they knew that.)  I understand why people are asking questions and I don’t mind answering quick, specific questions.   But there are so many who ask BIG questions.  Maybe they don’t know they are BIG questions?   Maybe they think they can’t afford a trainer?  Maybe they don’t know anyone they trust?  I don’t know.  It breaks my heart that I can’t spend the time being more helpful.  But it also frustrates me because, while I believe they are unhappy and want to change, their replies indicate that they aren’t really serious and they just wasted my time.   Asking a stranger a random question online is safe and non-committal.  I suspect that might be the issue for a few – ‘drive by’ commitment.  

Drive-By #2: Negative Comments (ie Facebook trolls)

Argumentative, contrary, and/or provocative comments.  I wouldn’t be surprised if someone wasn’t contemplating making one in the comments for this post until right at this moment when I mentioned it and now you will look really ignorant.  Lately, the one that makes me really nuts is something like…

“If you can’t handle it, why do you have a Facebook page?”

Oooo – that one burns my butt.  Here’s the reality – I’m a normal person who did this thing.  I blogged about it for personal accountability.  My long-distance friends and blogger buddies shared the experience with me and helped me stay on track.  I achieved my goal.  I shared my success. And then about 3,250 people jumped into the conversation.  I didn’t change.  I’m still me.  But now, I have to self-censor everything to avoid distraction.  I’m not a celebrity with ‘people’.  I’m not making my living in the fitness industry.  I have precious little time to be sharing what I’m doing and if it’s an unpleasant distraction, I share less.  I also am not fragile, nor are my feelings hurt.  I teach really hard math to teenagers for a living for almost 20 years – I’m made of pretty stern stuff.  I just get annoyed.  I used Facebook and the blog as fun distractions for my brain – a place to share and play.  But this junk going on recently has made it NOT fun.  So what’s the point?  Might as well keep things to myself.

So that’s where I’ve been.  Sharing less.

Maybe they are right.  I can’t handle it.  Nah – I can.  I just don’t want to.  I have a real life, with a real husband, a real job, and I’m training to compete again.  But I know that there are many people who are getting exactly what I had hoped they would get from my story – hope – so I don’t really want to quit writing and sharing.

Anyone who follows the page regularly knows all of this is working itself out.  Kind of came to a head last weekend, didn’t it?  LOL!  I pitched a fit on the page and invited people to leave.  A little over 20 did leave.  Then I got about that many new followers.   I will be using my administrative power to ban people when necessary.  And I’ll ignore questions if I don’t have time to answer.  Better yet – I hope the really smart people who follow my page might jump in and handle a few questions for me while I’m in the last 6 weeks of my prep??  (Hint, hint)  Hahahaha!

I really do appreciate the support and encouragement I’ve received from so many for so long.  It’s helped a lot.  We’ll just have to do a better job of tossing the rotten apples.

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