Grrrr. Today, I was in Angry Beast Mode.

It’s not the diet. I’m a clean eating diet pro. Yesterday, though, I started to get HUNGRY.  I know things are going to get harder very soon, but for a few days, I am supposed to increase protein by 20 grams and fat by 5 grams. Diet is not why I was pissed – obviously because I got more food.

I’m pissed because of something unexpected and aggrevating.  Got an email yesterday afternoon from work. Somebody screwed up paperwork so I won’t get paid for the class I taught in July until the end of September.  A full month after I need that money.  Grrrrrr!!!!

And is it MY error? No. I didn’t seek out this extra job, I was asked to do it when someone else dropped out last minute. I agreed ONLY when I was assured the $$ would arrive prior to the show. I double, triple checked that I’d get paid for this before the show.  I’ve carefully budgeted all show expenses. I changed the budgeting plan based on this new income.  So now I’m in a little pinch.

Not as big of a catastrophe as I’m making it sound, but it’s pretty damn annoying for others to be so nonchalant with my time and the inconvenience this clerical error is going to cause. Especially since it is the 2nd error with my pay this summer.

The registration and the show tanning are paid for.  The suits are paid for.  I decided that since I had the extra money coming, hubby and I could afford to stay at the hotel where the show is happening.  I booked that reservation and I want to keep it.  It’s in South Lake Tahoe, kind of an expensive place to visit. There is a discount for competitors and that helps.  But that is still an expense I now have to find a new way to pay for.

The “Plan B”

  • Return the makeup I’d use for this show and future shows, and pay $65 for my face makeup to be done at the show.
  • Chicken will be my only protein once the freezer is empty.
  • Be very, VERY careful with what I have in savings. That, plus what’s left of my normal paycheck (after bills) that comes 3 days before the show, should be enough.

Now, Ms. Pitty-Party-Pants… a reality check – many competitors scrape by and all this whining is just that – whining.  The fact that I’m only on “Plan B” after training this long and being this close to the end, means I’m still ahead of the game. I am just annoyed because I work extra duties to pay for the bodybuilding so it won’t financially impact my little family (hubby, two fur-kids, a bird, and now a new betta hubby has named “Ah-nold” in honor of my bodybuilding).   And because someone can’t fill out forms properly, I need a Plan B?  Grrrrrr.

Lesson learned. Both times my pay has been screwed up have been when I’m to be paid for things I was asked to do at my school, not when I do extra stuff for the school district.  Easy fix.  I’ll say “No”.


To get through my shoulder workout this morning, I decided to channel the frustration into the lifting.  I did what I was supposed to do (cables), and then I did what I wanted to do (heavy iron).  I have no idea how many sets I did because I stopped recording my exercises after doing the planned workout.  Arms in the afternoon went better.   Fell back into the funk after lifting arms.  I hope I was focused enough to get work done.

I’m wiped out.  I’ve been getting up early and I’m stressed.  My mind is playing games.  I’m going bed early with a cup of tea.  Skipping posing practice tonight in lieu of rest.  I’ll make a point to practice more tomorrow.  There is a little voice in my head that is telling me that I’m going to regret this decision to not practice tonight.  Ok, yeah.  I might.  But you know what?  I’m feeling like a tired and sad human tonight, not a superhero.  I’m going to rest.

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