3 weeks from right now…my first show will be done or winding up.

Lifting is fun.  Dieting is OK.  I’m scared to death of being on stage in basically something more revealing than my underwear.  My husband kids me about this because he knows I don’t even like to walk around the house in my skivvies.  I’ve been practicing doing that for a while.  At night.  When he’s sleeping.  (Guess that doesn’t really count, does it?)  Probably should have been doing more dancing in the front yard in my underwear.  That’s more appropriate for what I’m training to do on August 25th.

My routine is basically choreographed and I practice it, the quarter turns, and the mandatory poses everyday.  Coach thinks I need a new pose for the end of the routine.  OK, that’s doable.  Not sure I can do what he suggested without falling over.  I’ll try.  If it doesn’t work, I come up with something else.

The routine is herky-jerky and very, very awkward.  Painful to watch.  I have no skills for this.  I’m supposed to make it look more fluid and look like I’m comfortable posing.  I really don’t think I can fake that.  I just have to GET comfortable posing.  More practice in my red practice posing suit, I suppose.  I’ve gradually gotten down to smaller amounts of clothing – by myself.  I’ve gotten to the point where I can wear a sports bra and small shorts in the aerobics room that doesn’t have a lot of windows – again, by myself.  I have access to four gyms right now.  Three have rooms for classes, two of them have windows that make the room feel like a fishbowl.  Most people are respectful.  Every so often there is a creepazoid.  I’ve been practicing in the one I mentioned – no windows except in the door.  And even then, there will be a lookie-loo every so often.

You will see the routine when I’m not going to be mortified to show it to the Universe.  Right now, the videos I’m making are only for me and the coach.  I think I will show them all when there is a good one to compare to the really awkward one I made yesterday.  Progress is happening.  Just keep chipping away at my fears.  I will keep reminding myself that this really is my dream and I want to be on stage – almost naked – dancing around.  It will be comforting to be surrounded by others who are also dancing in their underwear in front of judges, an audience, and anyone watching the webcast online.

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