Lately, I’ve been preoccupied with the thought that I won’t be ready to compete next summer. There are several reasons that may explain this preoccupation…
1) I could be making a realistic appraisal of my progress. I’m trying to accomplish something in a year and a half that most people, younger people, do in many years.
2) I could be experiencing the normal sort of doubts of any novice bodybuilder before the first show.
3) I could still have “stinky thinking” left over from the months of trusting complacency about my training and the subtle drip-feed of negative messages.
4) No trainer/no coach = no idea if my current program is good enough.
5) I’m distracted by working two jobs, working out twice a day, and studying for the personal trainer exam.
6) I don’t know how to pose and I don’t have time to learn and practice.
7) All of the above.
It’s a lot less stressful to take the competition off the table. If I do that, I don’t have to worry about how I’m going to do this by myself. But if I do that, I’m also changing the goal into a “someday I will” dream. I feel like I would be letting myself off the hook and letting people down.
If I don’t think about shows at all, I can focus on the lifting. The process is what I love. Lift. Eat. Rest. Repeat.
I’ll work through all of this. I have a few ideas. Blogging helps me focus my thoughts and articulate my issues.